Today I’m sharing secrets to having deep and meaningful conversations.
You may be thinking, why do l even need to know? Well, in our daily life we have so many conversations with people but they don’t excite us and when we talk it’s because we have to e.g. we want something or need to tell someone off.
Let’s be honest these days people prefer to be on social media on their phones than have a deep meaningful conversation with people around them. We stopping ourselves from having amazing stimulating conversations, that we feel invigorated and intrigued to connect with people on that deeper level and genuinely build long lasting relationships that will benefit you for a life time.
Essentially, communication is an art form and only until we master it we can truly take control of situations, gain a better understanding of people and benefit in every conversation we are in! The conversations could be with work colleagues, your spouse, dates, friends, family or a total stranger but l will arm you with the techniques you need.
Tip 1: Be curious
Have you ever watched children play? Have you noticed they play with pure curiosity. They jump from one activity to another, one conversation to another, from who is your favourite super hero to kicking a football in the playground to using YouTube on your mobile. They are always wanting to see everything, even what’s in you bag to asking “Why” “Why” “Why”... Taking in information like a sponge.
Now... whilst your still trying to understand a child’s mind, l want you to enter this state of childlike amazement and curiosity.
Tip 2: From this curious state, ask questions
If you put yourself in this curious place you will start thinking differently. And if we apply this curious state to when you meet someone, why not ask the person you are speaking to about situations or stories from the past, present or future to help you understand them on a deeper level. You may be wondering, Wajeeha what questions... Well, not to worry l have put some questions together for you;
“When was the last time you took a risk?”
“What do you wish you could have done differently?”
“If you could wave a magic wand what would you wish for?”
“The first time you held me in your arms what did that feel like?”
Of course, the last question is better if you are in a relationship, you certainly wouldn’t want to ask any one that one :)
Get creative with your question and remember curiosity is the key.
Tip 3: Listen with your ears
It sounds like a easy one however, many do not master listening but talking so learn to listen more than talking. And when they answer active listening will give you the opportunity to really hear what they are saying. Don’t predict their answer and jump the gun to answer their questions, it can be tempting but be patient and LISTEN to their response. The way the answer, their expressions, eyes and body language - that will give a lot away!
If you really want to connect with someone don’t skip this bit. However tempting it may be. You may miss something that will give you vital clues.
Tip 4: Take it in
Sometimes what you’re hearing through this process is different than what you’ve heard before. Take it in, reflect on what you have heard and how it resinates with you. It will also help you to see the “Red flags” (More on this in next weeks post) but I am sure you know what I mean.
That Gut feeling you have and you kick yourself later because i did not...Well Listen. Sound familiar?
Tip 5: Be open, be honest, be YOU!
It’s so tempting to answer a question the way we think the other person wants to hear it BUT if you are searching for someone to be open and honest with YOU, it has to start with you!!!! The truth is studies show and my experiences, people prefer honesty as it’s rare to come by these days! Don’t be afraid to be yourself either. The world seems a better place when your honest with yourself and down to earth.
I want you to action these 5 tips today, whether it’s with a total stranger, colleague or partner try them out yourself and notice what’s different that the usual conversations you had before.
After actioning the tips,
I would love to hear how you got on and your thoughts,
So please feel free to comment or get in touch.
Please join me or share this post with someone who will benefit to create healthier relationships!
Have a great day and l look forward to hearing from you.
Ps When you ask questions, remember two things.
First, don’t be afraid to use silence to your advantage. Give the person you’re talking to sufficient opportunity to think things through and respond to your question. Don’t jump in. Let them finish. Even if there’s five seconds, ten seconds of silence. Let them finish.
The simple answer YES!
Because the right question can begin to shift the way we perceive or think about something – and that might serve as the catalyst for change.
I love questions, it’s the bread and butter of my work, questions are what make me authentic, they help me help my clients, give them new hope, shine a light on the could have been, should have’s, would have’s. The I can verse the I can’t and the all-important light bulb moments.
Afternoon of conversation shows you how to transform your conversations through powerful questions that anyone can master. Join me on 26th August 2017.
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