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Deal or no Deal?

Finding Your Mr Or Mrs Right

As a Muslim Counsellor and Relationship Coach single men and women share what they search for when looking for in a life partner, and what they don't want. As a result, today I wanted to talk about the deal breakers and discover what's best for you.

Deal Breakers

Do you know what your deal breakers are when you are out there searching for the “One”?

Well, there has been lots of research into what men and women consider to be deal breakers in relationships.

Scientists at Western Sydney University, Indiana University, the University of Florida, Singapore Management University, and Rutgers University examined the "undesirable personality traits," and "unhealthy lifestyles" across romantic and friendship contexts. 

The researchers conducted six separate studies to determine what men and women consider the absolute worst offenders when it comes to dating.

They found deal breakers are more compelling in long-term relationships than short-term relationships.

In a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, the researchers gave 5,541 singles a list of negative personality traits and asked them whether they would consider them deal breakers in a mate in a long-term relationship.

Here is a list of a few of them:


1. Messy

2. Unkempt Appearance

3 Laziness

4. Neediness

5. Lacks Humor

6. Insecure

9. Tech-Obsessed

10. Stubborn

Looking for Mr or Mrs Right can be a tricky business but if you have an idea of your deal breakers it can make navigating that maze that much easier.

My job is to help you navigate that maze so here are a few deal breakers that the singles I have worked with overlooked:

Someone who was unwilling to change

Choosing to change is a personal decision. However, relationships require the ability to change for both people.

No two people fit together like a perfect puzzle, so you are going to have to adjust.

Being open to self-growth, learning and, yes, potentially change, it’s too important to ignore in a serious relationship.

Having no clear direction

Where do you see yourself in let’s say 1 years’ time?

You do not need to have a grand plan written and implemented, but you do need to have an idea of what you want and where you are going.

At a minimum, you need to have some stability in place for right now as you continue to figure out the details of what you want.

What about the person you are getting to know do they have a clear direction?


This is a pretty big one. Do you want kid’s, does he or she want kids?

You should have a pretty good idea if kids are on the cards for you or not, and you need to be adult enough to admit that to your partner.

If you both don't agree on that status of kids or not, you have a tough decision to face.

Never assume you are going to change the other's opinion, so if you don't want the same things, then it might be best to find someone who does.


Now I am not saying that you need to be signing on the dotting line within the first few weeks or months of meeting someone, on the contrary, don’t rush, get to know the person.

However both people should be able to be in a committed relationship.

If someone is not willing to make things official, then what are you doing?

You don't want to waste your time and heart on someone who doesn't know what they have, how great it is or how to actually make it a priority in their life.


Love, hate or avoid talking about money, but it’s a topic you need to talk about.

One is a spender, one is a saver. You want to work, the other does not.

These are the kinds of issues that need to be resolved BEFORE marriage.  

These are just a few of the deal-breakers I see when working with my singles. They are some of the ones my singles and couples overlooked.

your deal breakers are unique to you.

I know you have heard it before “No one is perfect” and “Keep an open mind” But the things we ignore early on in a relationship are the ones that we need to shine a light on and ask ourselves are they a beacon of trouble coming up.

What was your biggest missed deal breaker?

Let me know, I would love to her from you.

Your Coach


If you want to discover the secrets to find, select, connect and keep the right partner for you then you need to attend the Masterclass. It's on 27th April 2019

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