I just wanted to say I believe in you
When I asked one of my clients what was the biggest take away from our sessions, she said:
“You believed in me and you reminded me to believe in me"
My belief in her almost magically created a massive energetic and emotional shift that helped her to move past the limiting beliefs, the voice of self-sabotage and confusion.
The more people I meet the more I realize the power of believing in others.
Honestly it’s a pretty simple formula.
If you want to find someone who is beat up, failing, lost, confused, wandering… find someone that doesn’t have someone that truly believes in them.
And when you honour someone else you inadvertently honour yourself. It’s the what goes around comes around theory and it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
SO how can you create self-belief in yourself and share that gift of bearing witness to what is working for others.
Here are some tips that will help you along the way:
1) Remember self-belief is learnable
Your level of self-belief isn't set in stone; not unalterable.
We can all be flexible and change, even 'fly'.
Remember you were born into this world with no sense of what you could or couldn't do.
Then, bit by bit, life started to teach you to limit yourself. A very young child never says: "I'm not the kind of person who could…"
They haven't yet learned to limit their own horizons or listened to people who leak cynicism.
One of the first steps is to re-examine and discard many of the limiting ideas you have about yourself; ideas that you've somehow collected along the way.
2) Deal with the inner negative voice
When you start to doubt yourself listen, for a moment, to that little negative inner voice. Whose voice is it really?
A parent's, old school bullies? A collection of lots of different voices from different times and people? One thing's for sure; that little inner self-critical voice wasn't yours originally.
It may masquerade as belonging to you now, but it doesn't really.
Tell yourself: "This is not my true voice!" Then start to challenge it and also to just plain ignore it.
3) Turn a weakness into a strength
My client Sara did not believe that she was good enough to set up her own business. The ideas she came up with at work were successful.
Not because she believed in them or that she had the confidence to present them to the project lead, but because she shared them with a colleague who put the idea forward instead of her.
When she believed in her skills and her creative ideas she took the plunge and shared the ideas directly with the project lead.
And guess what it was not long before she was leading a team and is on her way to working towards setting up her own business.
If we just focus on what is not right about ourselves rather than what is, then we miss opportunities for self-belief.
We shouldn't assume there's, nothing to improve about ourselves, but just focusing on perceived weaknesses without either taking steps to improve them or giving fair focus toward our strengths gets us nowhere.
If you worry a lot like Sara did, know that the positive flipside of this is that you have a powerful imagination which, in the right context, can be put to good use.
Take any negative belief you have about yourself and creatively turn it so that it becomes, in its place, a positive resource try it you'll find this exercise fun to do.
Ask a friend, get a mentor or a coach to help you with this.
Super powers are great and the next tip is my favorite.
4) Develop your 'super powers'!
Think of the typical powers of the more popular superheroes and write them down before you start your day.
They may be such things as super speed, the ability to climb walls, flight, x-ray vision…whatever.
Why do I suggest this? Because 'priming' your mind with qualities and positive characteristics can actually determine your behaviour.
Not that you can fly like superman and rescue Lois Lane, but the pattern of superhero powers is one of ability, courage, and competence.
In one study, people asked to write down as many super powers as they could think of were more likely to give to charity months afterwards.
The pattern of giving to charity is that of being able. Prime your mind with 'able words' before you start each day.
As well as superhero powers, write all kinds of other positive characteristics (whether you think you have them or not). For example.
And so on. I'm not just asking you to focus on your own present or even future qualities here, but just on the words.
Take a few moments writing them down each day, then a few moments running your eyes up and down your list (it doesn't matter if it's a similar list each day).
Really reflect upon what each word means to you.
You'll be amazed how doing this will powerfully prime your unconscious mind.
5) Be your own mentor
If you notice doubts rearing their ugly heads, imagine you (the clear-headed part of you) are the mentor and the anxious part of you is the person you need to talk to.
Think what you'd say to someone you really believe in if they started showing doubts. Sit down and say those same things to yourself.
So if you are about to go for a job interview and you 'hear yourself' starting to express doubts, take a few moments to sit down, close your eyes, and mentor yourself:
"Look, you can do this! It's natural to feel a little anxious, but that just means you care about what you're doing! You've got all the relevant experience and qualifications!
Now get in there and stop whinging! Even if you don't get this job, you're going to make me proud by giving it your best shot!"
Picture the friendly, straight-talking mentor in your mind. Is it someone you know or would like to know? Talking to yourself in these times as if you were another person (in the privacy of your mind ) can ramp up your confidence fast.
6) Create a powerful vision of yourself
Self-belief comes not just by trying to convince yourself you can do stuff. True self-belief actually comes from developing the vision that you can relax socially, start that business, write that book, or whatever it is you need to believe you can do or be.
Get into the habit of sitting down, closing your eyes, and watching yourself behaving decisively, calmly, and strongly.
This powerful visualization exercise means you can learn from yourself how to be confident, have self-belief, and behave in ways which maximize chances of success.
The more you do this, the more you'll find that you'll quite naturally start to become like the 'you' in the movie.
Self-belief doesn't mean arrogance or blindness to one's own shortcomings. Then again, it doesn't mean believing that you are perfect as you are, either.
Your self-belief really needs to be focused on what you will become. And an important part of self-belief comes from knowing your weaknesses and being relaxed about them.
Self-belief gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with setbacks by seeing them for what they are: temporary setbacks, not the end of the world.
And something else you'll notice: As your self-belief grows, people around you start to believe in you more.
So now it’s over to you share these tips with someone who could do with it too. Or why not be each other's mentor and watch each other’s back.
We all need someone that believes in us. Someone once believed in me and now I am sharing it with you.
Pass it on, let me know how you are getting on I would love to know.
Until next week.
Have a fab week ahead.