It's not me it's YOU.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to connect easily with someone and stay connected?
Well, it’s a common theme that I work on with my clients.
We all have a desire to meet someone who is Charismatic, intelligent, motivated and confident. We all desire to be charismatic, intelligent ect ect…
Let’s face it every so often as we are scrolling through profiles, we come across someone who seems to have all that and more. We stop and think “Why are they single?”
You send the first message, and they reply, and you have an exchange of messages back and forth and then nothing…………You wait, and wonder and then end at the conclusion “Oh well” Your left wondering what happened.
Maybe you have done that, or maybe it has been done to you.
You have probably heard me say this before, “Doing relationships is not something we are ever taught.”
We learn in many ways from our caregivers as children. We learn through academia or indeed the school of hard knocks. We are taught what is deemed important at that time.
What we are not taught is relationship, creation or management skills.
The Two most vital skills in life.
Our relationship management has a massive impact on life satisfaction and fulfillment.
As much as we are taught the necessities to walk, talk, read and write from a young age, the lack of teaching about emotional intelligence is inhibiting the natural growth of relationships.
Relationships are about sharing, giving, learning, growing and being fulfilled.
Relationships are the Ying and Yang of equal, mutual exchange of support, and challenge, positives and negatives they bring you into consciousness of vulnerability and the desire to love and be loved.
We are left with this bitter taste that relationships are supposed to be simple but they're not.
We are left disillusioned, disconnected and confused with how we get on with this business of searching, finding, connecting and keeping the right partner for us. Of having great relationships not just with our significant other but “Everyone” that will ever be part of our lives.
Here is the problem, nobody taught us or showed us how to master our emotion’s. Let alone our emotional intelligence.
Remember how you learnt how to ride a bike? Or learnt how to swim? You did not just get on the bike and just ride; you did not jump into the pool and just swim you learnt it.
That’s the same for Emotional intelligence we have to learn it. Without that learning, it’s hurting our relationship with “US” and “Them” and “WE”.
When do we learn this all vital skill?
The simple answer: In your childhood.
But there is hope, you can learn it NOW.
Because it will equip you with the know how to have healthy, happy fulfilling relationships, and my personal favorite reason, you get to PASS IT ON.
So how can you look out for lack of emotional intelligence?
1. losing it
You know what I mean. Someone says something, and you fly off the handle.
This becomes an issue when you struggle to control your emotions and respond in a disruptive and inappropriate manner.
2. Laughing about it.
Using humor, sarcasm or cracking jokes, to cover up or to deflect how you are actually feeling. Have you done this? Someone says something it cuts deep; you don’t know how to respond so you laugh it off.
3. Everyone else is to blame.
We have all been there when it’s clearly the other person’s fault, yet they will not take ownership or responsibility for their actions. There are times we have done that too. The difference is after stopping and reflecting we put our hands up and take responsibility. We don’t go on playing the blame game.
People who lack emotional intelligence often don’t take responsibility for their own actions.
4. Here we go again.
We all get into disagreements and arguments, that’s normal and healthy. The issue arises when you find yourself having lots of arguments over small things with no resolution.
It’s natural to have a circle of friends be it lots or a select few. When you find yourself having problems maintaining these friendships and always finding drama within the friendship group, it’s time to pay attention to the common denominator.
Being able to put yourself in someone’s shoes, empathizing respect and recognition for what another person might be going through is a vital part of Emotional Intelligence.
Being able to listen is vital, it’s not as simple as just listening. It’s about being present and listening to what someone has to say, rather than interrupting and talking over the other person and refusing to listen to what others have to say.
We all experience stress from time to time. The key here is how you handle it and knowing how to handle it. What do you do to manage your stress? Do you end up losing it with someone?'~}:
9. Emotional Vocabulary
According to research, we experience 27 different emotions a day.
Do you know yours? Do you know how to express and understand your emotions in a given situation? What is the thought behind the feeling?
It’s an inability to express and understand your emotions that shows a lack of Emotional Intelligence.
Dig deep - Did you relate to any of these?
The best thing about emotional intelligence is that you can learn it no matter your age and you can master it!
The good news there are many ways you can raise your emotional intelligence.
The KEY is to become self-aware and do something about it.
By taking that first step, you will not only improve the quality of your life you will improve the quality of your relationships.
A little reminder of the five main areas which make up Emotional Intelligence are:
- Understanding your emotions/self-awareness
- Self-regulating or managing your emotions and the impact they have on others
- Social skills and the ability to communicate effectively
- The ability to display empathy and understand how others are feeling
- Self-motivation, internal drive to set and achieve goals.
Where do you feel you are at with emotional intelligence?
Going back to the text message exchange, next time you are speaking to someone new via text
why not give this tip a go:
Have an emotionally intelligent exchange.
Don’t get bogged down with asking how their day is and what they do.
Instead, ask them “Why.”
“Why do you do what you do?”
Let me know how you are getting on.
Until next week
If you would like to master the art of Emotional Intelligence attend the Me to We workshop. During the Afternoon in a super-safe, loving environment, we will delve into your right and left brain — to discover, release and transform.
Here is what past attendees had to say about attending the last workshop:
"I had been struggling with the next steps in my business, after the workshop I put what I had learnt into practice. 3 months on and i have broken through the £..barrier and closer to reaching my target of £....a month"
"An intimate eye opening experience. Before the workshop, I thought I knew myself. After the workshop, I can honestly say I am Practicing a new way of being and loving it"
"Everyone has notices a change in me...It's a good change and I am loving it!"