Oh the Lies we tell ourselves.
Let's be honest, we all lie to ourselves now and again. It’s just a matter of how we frame it in our mind!
What do you mean Wajeeha I hear you ask. Well let me ask you, do you remember talking your self out of something because you did not think you were “good enough, confident enough, pretty enough, slim enough”, not this not that....should I go on?
Some of the lies are harmless, but others hold us back, paralyze us from taking action.
Think about it. It’s nothing new is it, deep down you know it.
Give yourself a chance!
We may not know exactly what we’re lying to ourselves about, but it’s safe to assume that some of what we consider “truth” today is likely nothing more than a defense against some deeper meaning which is painful to accept.
Thing is lies manifest themselves in to little habits and patterns for problem solving and getting work done and beliefs we hold true.
I’ve heard my clients say these statements many times before.....do any of these sound familiar to you?
"I would change, but I can’t because of …….”
"I am too old, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not tall enough..."
“If I could just …., then my life would be fantastic”
“If I had more time, I would do ….”
“If I say or do….., people will not take me seriously"
“If I just say or do …., then that person will change"
“Everything is great/ Everything is going wrong"
“There’s something wrong with me"
“I can’t live without …..”
“ I am not good enough”
“I just don’t have the time”
“She/He already thinks I am wrong, so whats the point?”
It's easy to be swept away and to become hostage to the lies, especially those we tell ourselves.
Rethink the things you ‘know to be true’ to help you move forward in a more productive and life affirming way.
Believe me when I say this, I have been there too. I stopped myself from growing, developing and from embracing the true me.
I told myself all sorts of lies. Mostly to protect myself from falling and falling hard. Safe to be in my own truth bubble then to question what I was telling myself, or indeed the lies others had told me about me too me.
"The moment of truth came when I challenged what I thought was my truth. On reflection what turned out to be true was that I could, I would, and I did. "
Let me ask you to imagine being in a relationship with someone you didn’t love, found to be deeply flawed, worthless, and not good enough.
Now imagine you have to be in this relationship for the rest of your life.
How would that relationship feel?
How would that relationship affect your thoughts, behaviour and day-to-day life?
Any idea who I am talking about?
The relationship we have with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have.
How can we expect anyone else to treat us any differently?
Here is what I did, I took notice of how I was treating myself, what I was saying to myself, I stopped, I listened, I did!
"For the first time, I took care of ME. I treated myself and spoke to myself with compassion, with hope, and motivation."
Every time I told myself I could not do something, our found myself talking myself out of something I asked myself is this what I know to be the truth?
The honest answer was that I did not know because I had never tried.
I found my freedom in telling the truth.
We forget that everything, and I mean everything starts with ourselves.
Thing is we spend so long looking for it from other people.
Love, compassion, reassurance, admiration even a hug.
That we forget that we have to give that to ourselves first!
It may be difficult at first, but over time the truth will set you free to live your life out loud, proudly and boldly!
It's over to you, make a list of all the things you want to do, make a list off all that is stopping you.
Now make a list off all your can's and celebrate that CAN like you would if you were supporting a friend.
Let me know how your getting on.
I would love to hear your CAN's I know it starts with can not's so do share them too. Together let's make it happen!
I am here to help.
PS. Here is what one of my clients said to me:
"Wajeeha my heart broke when he ended things. Thing is in my heart, in my soul I knew he was not the one for me, but I so wanted to be married to start a family, I told myself time was not on my side.
I lied to myself told myself that this was the best I could have.
Thank you for supporting me through that time. I don't think I would be writing this today if I did not reach out and work with you.
Looking back he was not ready for marriage, he had so much of his own stuff to resolve, I had mine too.
Yes, I am older, but I am wiser and I have met someone my heart and soul says YES he is the one."