· Personal Development,Relationship,Mind and Body,Change

Shall I?

"You don't like being uncertain, do you?" I remember asking Amira.

Her reply, "I hate it waking up in the morning thinking that the odds are stacked up against me, my age, my this, my that, all the what if's and maybes"

If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed with uncertainty.

Here are a few ideas of how you could embrace it.

1. Fight or Flight?

When you feel uncertain, your amygdala—an almond-shaped structure located in your temporal lobes—revs you up by signalling to the rest of the brain that a fight-or-flight response might be needed.

The prefrontal cortex in turn receives the alarm call from the amygdala and can agree and take action or recognize that there’s no cause for concern and quell the amygdala. But sometimes it isn’t able to control the amygdala on its own.

When you feel that anxiety, you need to engage the prefrontal cortex directly.

How do you do that?


Meditation, therapy, or yoga.

Sarah my client resigned from a job she hated, she took a risk and set up her own company.  She felt uncertain about the future and consistently worried about her ability.  Her friends, family and ex clients reassured her she would be great at it.   The breakthrough came when she stopped listening to the inner voice that said she can't.    When you are feeling unsure about the future and what you can handle, listen to other people who are reminding you of all the times you did.  Off all the times when the going got tough you got through it.  Sometimes they can see the situation more clearly than you can.

How do you do that?


Have you heard the saying …”Believe in someone else’s belief in you until you believe in you”?

That’s how

3.Make Chaos your friend

When things don’t go as planned and we’re not sure how they’ll end, we tend to create doomsday scenarios.

For Fozia the threat of redundancy become “I’ll never be able to find work again.” We tend to see only the loss side of the equation, which is a phenomenon called the negativity bias.

Our brains are wired to go there automatically, but we can rewire this impulse. Realise that there is rarely disruption without opportunity. Look for possibilities that arise from uncertainty and act on them.

Ask yourself, “How can I make this work in my favour? There is the possibility of turning this into something that works for me.”

Sometimes we look too long at the door that has closed that we don’t see the door or even window that has opened up in its place.

How do you do that?

Stop, think, listen there is a flip side to the coin. Plan for an outcome that works in your favour, rather than focusing on the negative bias.

Keep your eyes and ears open for new opportunities!

4.Do what you have been putting off

No one likes to wait. And waiting for a significant life change is more challenging still.

I work with singles who are just waiting to find that special someone, for that special someone to find them, just to be married.

I tell them to live their lives as fully as possible.

During a rocky and uncertain time, people need to have something concrete to look forward to: Take that holiday or sign up for a sponsored climb of kilimanjaro. Go to a spa or a sports match with your friends. Instead of worrying about what may be ahead, do something that makes you happy.

My singles who have found "The one" found them when they were out having fun, doing the things they enjoyed, trying new things or whilst out and about doing the day job.

Sana told me that she meet Imran in the corridor of the hospital she worked at, he had dropped some papers and she went over to help him. They got talking and they discovered that they both worked at the hospital in different departments.

She found him on the staff e-mails and waited a few days and then plucked up the courage to e-mail him. she sent a simple e-mail "coffee today?" she closed her eyes and pressed the send button. Before long she had a reply and well.....the rest is history.

How do you do that?

Just do it! I know there is a but coming. Really?

Look for Sana it wasn't the happy ever after she thought it was going to be, it never worked out. But what it did do was give her the courage to speak to someone else who she did connect with and keep - and say "I do"

Don’t look back, say, 20 years later and remember how you sat around worrying, just waiting.

Truth is with all the best will in the world we cannot be certain about what tomorrow will bring—that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

What it means is we can spend today doing other things that we have put of waiting to be certain, like writing, reading, relaxing, working on that project and connecting with people you love, going to that networking event, signing up on the online matrimonial site or going to the event.

If you think you’ve created a controllable, predictable life for yourself, well that’s just an illusion.

Nothing stays the same forever. when you think you’ve curled into a cozy cocoon of predictability, anything could change in a heartbeat.

Uncertainty can keep you up at night, obsessing over ways to protect yourself from anything that might go wrong.

Or it can motivate you to practice acceptance.

What’s coming tomorrow might not be easy—or it might fulfill you in ways you didn’t know were possible.

What’s certain is that it will come and when it gets here, you’ll respond to it, learn from it, and move into another tomorrow full of endless possibilities.

The only constant in life is that it will involve change, and try as you may to control the future, sometimes all you can do is trust that whatever happens, you can adapt and make the best of it.

Until next time.

Enjoy being here right now.


ps Amira, Sana, Sarah, Fozia, Imran are made up names, their not my client's real names. I made them up to protect their identity.


There are years that ask questions and years that answer. ~ Zora Neale Hurston


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