There is a question I am asked often.
Women ask me this question and men ask me this question.
It goes something like this:
“Why do I attract the wrong kind of person?"
"Why can’t I attract the kind of person that I am equally attracted to, the kind of person that just gets me?”
My question to them is “do you trust the opposite gender?”
I then ask, “Do you trust yourself?” naturally they say “what do you mean, trust myself?”
“Do you trust that you will know who is the right person for you?”
“Do you find yourself questioning your judgment, or yourself when you are in a position to choose?”
What’s the first answer that comes to mind?
Is it “Yes” or “No.”
Either way, regardless of yes or no, let me introduce you to a concept.
The concept of Light.
Let me explain:
Have you noticed how a spotlight is placed directly over the most expensive item in the showcase?
It’s the light that catches your attention, am I right?
As you read this, let me ask you a question, “Is your light shining brightly.”
“What do you mean?” I hear you say
Let me define what I mean.
When I ask you is your light shining bright, I am asking you to:
Be open to the possibility.
Get out of that headspace where you question people’s intentions.
Stop trying to guess how you can impress or not impress the person you are getting to know.
Feel good about yourself.
Do all that, and your "Light" is shining bright!
And the magic that makes the light shine is a simple word – TRUST.
When you trust yourself and others you are tuned into attracting exactly the kind of person you are looking for in life, and you stop trying to make things “work” with the person that deep down inside you know you is just not exciting you.
When we are tapped into that light, there is a trust in life, a trust in yourself, trust in Allah swt’s plan, a deep knowing that we will be okay no matter what.
Trust is so important because it allows you to get vulnerable, express your truth, and ask for what you want, regardless of the response on the other end.
Now you know how I often refer to human psychology, well, there is a study by Carter and Weber from the University of Toronto where they asked study participants to take a test which gauges how trusting of a person they are.
They put the participants in separate rooms where they watched pre-recorded job interviews.
In these videos, individual interviewees were telling the truth, and others were lying. After watching the videos, the participants took a test where they were asked to pick the interviewees that were lying versus the ones that we're telling the truth.
The study revealed that the participants that were categorized as the most trusting were also the ones that correctly answered which interviewees were lying versus telling the truth.
Read this again:
The most trusting people were the ones that knew when someone was lying.
The reason the most trusting people were a better judge of character is that, in a state of trust, we can pick up on more of the non-verbal queues, which is 90% of how we communicate.
They were able to catch the red flags because of their level of presence.
When we are fearful we’re in our heads, and as a result, we miss so much of what is being communicated.
Many of us have beliefs about trust that comes from our families. A common one is that if you trust too quickly, then you could be taken advantage off.
This belief then sets you up to have more experiences, especially in love, where we feel we’ve been betrayed, used, disrespected, or judged.
These beliefs are meant to keep you safe, so the subconscious will look for ways to reinforce it, even when it’s not true.
The truth is that being in a state of trust and trusting someone are two different things.
Being in a state of trust is more about trusting yourself, which helps you become more aware of who you let into your heart.
Why am I sharing this with you today?
Well, because we need to get back to building trust firstly in our ability to recognise the right person over the wrong person and our faith in people.
When you’re in a trusting state you are in harmony with your intuition.
In this state, you are open to noticing and taking in the small details of everything around you.
There are many ways to cultivate TRUST for yourself.
We go deep into this in the Masterclass but here is an easy tip to start you off, simply say to yourself out loud: “I TRUST MYSELF”.
The next tip:
Shine you're light bright by trusting that there are good people out there, believing that it will happen for you.
Trusting that you will meet, connect and keep the right person for you……. Watch how it plays out in attracting your Mr or Mrs Right.
That’s what happened to my client Yasmin (Not her real name) she had a few bad experiences and arrived at the conclusion that there were no decent guys out there.
It goes without saying she had switched her light off.
When she connected with me, she had decided she was not going to spend another year doubting it would happen.
After working with me, Yasmin soon discovered that the reason why she was attracting a “Type” of guy was that she was afraid of losing her freedom once married.
She did not trust herself enough to choose a guy who would understand her interpretation of freedom.
When she started to flex her trust muscle, switched on her light, she did meet a guy who valued freedom as much as she did.
She met him by chance.
Here’s how her story goes.. sitting on a plane in the next seat was her guy. She said Hi and they got talking, the rest well it’s history.
Thing is she would never have trusted herself to start a conversation with a stranger, let alone a guy and talk about the things she was passionate about in the very first conversation.
So you see anything Is possible when you trust. You will instantly feel a shift. By giving yourself permission to “Trust yourself” you are inviting all that is possible for your story.
Is it over to you! Is it time to polish up that light?
Let me know how you get on.
I would love to hear from you.