When you are sad, do you stop yourself?
What if it was Ok?
I am going to share something personal with you.
Last year was a tough year. I found myself feeling sad; I tried to work out why I felt so low a few things came up, but still, I could not put my finger on it. Mostly because this was ME I could not feel sad. I was holding back from just feeling sad.
I decided I needed to do something about it. So went for a drive to somewhere new, somewhere I had not been before.
I parked up and went wandering, and I came across this really cute coffee shop come bookshop. I wish I had taken a photo off it. I looked around, then ordered myself some lunch. The table had a few books on it, but there was one that caught my eye. I found myself absorbed in the book and before I knew it was closing time.
I left the book there; I can’t remember the name of the author or the book. What I do remember is that I was meant to read it.
As I drove back home, I realised the book had struck a chord. It resonated, the book explained how we don’t want to feel extreme emotions. In fact, that is how most societies are built, not wanting us to handle extremes of emotions.
That’s what we humans do best. (Don’t talk about how your feeling, it’s weak, your not supposed to feel sad)
I knew then that was what I was doing. I was spending my time trying to be OK.
We all just want to be ok, that’s what the people around us want us just to be ok. to say we are "fine".
But what does being OK mean? Does it mean that you just numb it all out?
Thing is what happens is that we tend to avoid or even run away from people who are not “OK” because we just don’t know how to handle being anything other than OK or the other word we often use “I'm FINE” what does “Fine” mean?
When spoke to my client, let's call him Imran I asked him how he was; he said
“I am Fine” thing is I knew he was not fine, the woman he thought was the one said that she did not see her self-spending the rest of her life with him. I said to him “Imran this is me your speaking to” and he said “I am not fine, I am not Ok, I don’t know how we got to this place”
By letting him know it was ok not to be ok he was able to say how he was feeling.
We are all familiar with those uncomfortable feeling like sadness, disappointment and upset.
When we find ourselves experiencing these feelings our brains go into overdrive trying to figure out how to get us out of this state.
Have you heard people say “Don’t laugh too much, don’t be too happy, you will get jinxed” or have you avoided sharing your good news with someone who you know has been down, so you don’t hurt them?
On the other side of this when you are sad, people say, “You have so much to be grateful for don’t be sad.”
In these cases, we aren’t permitted to feel deeply, to just FEEL.
That day in the coffee shop I sat with that feeling of sadness to see what it was trying to tell me, there was no rush to “Fix it” to just sit with it and let it be.
So much can shift when we finally let ourselves feel the discomfort.
I was speaking to one of my clients the other day, I asked her how much she felt she had progressed in the last few months of us working together.
“While I have seen a change in me and others have seen a change in me, I can’t help but remember the sadness I used to feel before I started working with you, I just brushed it under the carpet and never paid it any attention. But at the same time I know it was affecting me when it came to relationships.
I still feel it now and again, but working with you I have learnt to give myself permission, real authentic permission to feel it and let it show me what I need to look at. I can cry with you; I can cry alone, I have discovered that it’s not going to be like how I hoped, you know the whole prince charming thing.
How Prince Charming never came and how the men that did come, were not right for me, even though I wanted them so deeply to be right for me. How I used to try and be what they wanted me to be.
I would not show them my truth, and in the end, they would say I don’t know who you are.
I have been holding on to this resentment of being lonely and single while those around me seem to be moving on, marriage and babies. But after a very long time, I am feeling so much better.
I am sharing “Me” speaking my truth, celebrating me and it feels so good.”
So many of us are scared to go there..
The last thing I want for you is to live your life in fear. (You know what I mean ….I will be alone all my life; he won’t like me anymore if he sees me with my mask off, I don't earn enough, established enough……what if I rushed into saying no……or even..yes…..)
Give yourself permission to be:
Give yourself permission to be happy and shout it out loud, rock it out proudly and boldly.
Happiness inspires people. Sadness allows you to discover who you are.
Know that; it really is OK to feel sad at one moment and cry it out in another.
Then the next moment feel humble, blessed and happy, shout it out loud!
There is nothing wrong with feeling extremes.
That is LIVING.
That is LOVING.
Afer all we are all only human.
Everything I share on my blogs in the Masterclass, mastermind sessions and workshops are life lessons I too have gone through, am going through and have learnt for myself.
I have seen the life lessons work for me and the people I have had the privilege to work with.
Let me take you back to that day when I sat in the cute little bookshop; I gave myself time to feel the sadness I was feeling.
Lot’s has happened since then, and I am excited by what’s to come next.
I want you to know that you will get there too.
You can’t feel Love and Fear at that same time. It’s one or the other.
Don’t numb out love through fear… Let love flow!
When you can feel and aren’t trying to protect yourself, you can create super powerful relationship’s.
You won’t function from a space of being ashamed of your feelings; you will be even more clear on how to communicate them.
You know you have progressed through the sadness when you feel lighter and freer, less stuck and open to what’s possible.
Let me ask you, how are you living your life right now?
Fear or Love?
Do you struggle with asking for help or support? Do you see where that comes from for you?
Let me know either comment below or e-mail me. I reply to everyone who gets ’s in touch.
This video by the Mental Health Foundation sum's it all up.